The Crisis That is 30

I’m 3 days shy of my 30th birthday and I’ve realized that I spent my 20’s doing almost absolutely nothing for my soul.

In the last month I have done more for my soul than I have in the last decade. But why does my life feel like it’s completely incomplete. I’ve figured out that I am generally happy, have everything I could possibly need and more. I’m grateful for my life, really. And yet, I sit in my two bedroom townhouse, with my dog and cat wondering, what more is there.

But I didn’t feel like this yesterday. Yesterday I was happy, I was together, I was full of life. I was also riding a snowboard down a mountain instead of working. I had forgotten about all of the looming things that are my life.

Why is it that entering a new decade is the hardest part of my journey?

I have a great job, beautiful friends, a healthy relationship with my parents and extended family. I love myself, my pets, and everyone around me. But as I reflect back on the solitude that was my twenties and how I spent my time in a relationship that I shouldn’t have, I realize that this new start I was given is not to be taken lightly. The pseudo love that I had been shown held me back and took away from a lot of ways I lived my life before. It took away my adult adolescence.

Because of this, I am feeling the constant fear that I won’t get to experience all of life’s pleasures that I so humbly missed out on because a man asked me to. All of my time in my…