Not All things New Are Beautiful

New. New is a term we use when something foreign to us becomes, a part of us. A new relationship, a new home, a new pet. Whatever it may be. Most people see anything new as something beautiful, someone impactful, a lesson or life change.

Let’s not ignore the dark side of new. New can also be traumatic.

I recently moved. I moved into a condo that is all mine. Everything about it is me, I’m the only one there and my pets of course. This new is a good new, however it also is traumatic.

Is it possible to have the best of these very different worlds?

This new home signifies the ever changing climate that is my life. This condo is the sense of stability that I have to give myself, the sense of quiet and calm that didn’t exist before. I no longer have the yelling over video games or the laughing of a YouTube video. I hear the quiet pitter patter of my dog and feel the biscuits of my cat. My breathing has gotten louder, my home bigger, my heart emptier.

This is significant because as someone recently told me, I’m never truly alone. But alone isn’t a physical feeling — it’s mental.

It may be correct that I’m never alone. But my tears aren’t wiped away at night, and the warmth of love doesn’t surround me. My heart is lonely.

I’ve found comfort in myself until I had to move. All of the lonely feelings rushed back to me the first night I spent in my new home. No one to hog…