Is It Me?

I had a great night with you. I can’t wait to do it again.

The amount of times that I’ve heard that it was a great night and I’ll see them again to only be stood up, pseudo dumped, or given the “it’s been nice getting to know you, but…” text.

But this one was new. Not only did he stand me up a week ago, he texted me the next day to apologize profusely and make it up to me. But when the day came, not only did he cancel, he canceled in such a way that made me cry hysterically in the shower as I washed out my very done hair and ran hot water over my fresh face of makeup.

After a week of promises and a failed “make it up to you date” I got a call asking me to plan our evening.

So you’re going to back out of making it up to me huh?

We were on FaceTime, I laughed while I spoke and simultaneously made a reservation at a nearby pub. It was all in a sarcastic joking manner. And yet, he get’s frustrated says he can’t do this and leaves me with “you’ll find someone who can love you someday. But me, I can’t.”

This shocked me. Without an explanation, he hung up the phone and sent me into a nearly mental spiral.

I started to question my worth over someone who didn’t want to own up to the responsibility of letting me down. Why would I do that?

It’s simple, the more people project their problems on you and make you believe their insecurities are yours? The more you believe them. So here I was, doubting what was undeniably someone else’s issue with accountability.

Did I want that kind of partner?

No, not at all, so what was it that made me so upset?

I’ve yet to figure it out.